A Mourning Child

12.24

Dear Father,

            Today marks one year since your death. It is Christmas eve, and the house was bustling all day, but it wasn’t the same. I tried to pretend that you were in the office, but it didn’t work.

            You’ve never missed a Christmas Eve! Mum said that we would still have Christmas without you, but it will be so hard. You took up such a great presence in our lives, making it so hard just to give you up.

            Mum worked all day on preparing tomorrow’s feast. It’s significantly smaller because our guest list is one short. She purchased a much smaller turkey from the market because the main eater isn’t able to be in attendance. I will greatly miss him.

            I can’t sleep. The holidays are so hard. Next year, I will be a bear, so I can sleep through this season. Your smile and laugh haunt me. Sometimes, I’ll wake up, thinking that you may be sitting by the fire, whittling a piece of wood into something for the younger children. Now, I sew more presents than before because mum is too tired.

            Church was my only escape. I could focus myself on things other than your death, and that was good for me, I think.

            Once again, I love you, Father. You may have left this earth, but I still love you, as does mum and the younger children. I’m taking care of the family. I don’t know what would happen if I left mum. I just have to stay and persevere as you would always say.

                        Merry Christmas, Father.

                                    With all love,

                                                Margaret