Skyler's Journal 4/27

4/27

I need to write everything I know about myself. I can’t swim so deep, but maybe if I see the surface and go deeper, I can learn my ways without getting to the bottom.

My name is Skyler Foster.

I am fourteen years old and in Eighth Grade.

I was baptized at First Christian Church of Mill Halley last year.

I live in Mill Halley.

I have three best friends- Roslyn, Linnette, and Ginger.

Roslyn has a crush on Jonothon Ibbit.

He is popular and has dated probably 20 girls in our year.

That doesn’t matter to my story.

My feelings sometimes sink deeper than I want to swim

I can’t tell how deep and what’s down there,

Only that it is important to me navigating the waters of life.

Whenever I have a feeling I don’t want to see again, I let it sink

Now I want to find those feelings.

Not so I feel that way

But so I know what is down there.

There’s a boy called Lusis-

He lives across the street

I had a crush on him in first grade

Ever since he let Linnette win the spelling bee.

I thought he had a crush on Linnette.

But he treats her like a little sister that he has to protect.

Linnette has her own problem.

I had a crush on him in second, third, fourth, and fifth grades.

In sixth grade I realized there is more to love than I previously thought,

And that crush could not be real.

I then began ignoring it, allowing myself to get caught up in the ways of life.

In seventh grade it jumped over my mind, but I laughed.

In eighth grade, I began to watch.

Could it be real?

And here I am now.

Could it be real?

Could I love him, Could he love me?

So many ‘what if’s

So many ‘coulds’

So many ‘woulds’

Everything I see on Pinterest says I love him

And I do care for him, just as I do my other friends,

Maybe that is all. No romance. Just Care.

Skyler's Journal 4/26

4/26

Today something peculiar happened. Lusis and I were walking to gym together, as we always do, but Ginger was sick so she wasn’t tagging along. Around the cafeteria entrance, I dropped my colored pencils. Of course Lusis helped pick them up, THAT didn’t surprise me a bit- but when he was handing me some of the pencils and thought I wasn’t looking, he looked at me the same way that Roslyn looks at Jonothon.

      “What?” I asked him. He looked confused.

      “What what?”

      “You were looking at me… in a different way.”

      “No, I wasn’t.” His blush was as red as a rose from the rose bush. To save him, I left it at that and finished picking up the pencils before standing up and walking the rest of the way to gym.

      Why would he look at me like that? I try to push to the back of my mind that he had a crush on me, because there is no getting my hopes up since a crush could fade in days. But why would Lusis having a crush on me get my hopes up. It’s not like I would date him if he asked me- I wouldn’t! But maybe I just want him to be an option when I’m older. Prepossessing boys are in short supply in Mill Halley, and Lusis could go quickly. But why would I want him to stay single? I’m so selfish, and I can’t swim any deeper. I have to get some air.

Skyler's Journal 4/22

4/22

I’ve told you about Lusis before- we’re best friends, or at least I would say that we are but I can’t tell how I really feel about him. I think about him daily, which I know is how Roslyn sees Jonothon. Roslyn’s heart is with Jonothon, only he doesn’t know it. Could my heart be with Lusis’? I wouldn’t even know, for my feelings are deeper than I care to swim. Linnette tells me just to write it down. She doesn’t know about my possible crush on Lusis, but she does know about my feelings being so deep as a result of her closely following my Pinterest board and being perceptive enough to pick up the smallest of details on how I really feel. Of course she follows Ginger and Roslyn’s as well, but they pin more crafts than quotes. I post both.

Tears- My Mini Essay

Recently, the topic of crying has been on my mind, as well as other body functions under the control of the medulla oblongata, but mostly crying. I figured I could organize and share my thoughts by writing it all out in an orderly format.


I've read a wonderful article from WebMD.com on the topic, and it explained a lot. Basically, we cry for many reasons: maybe to get attention, but also to express that something needs to be addressed- pain, fatigue, joy, whatever. And a fact I personally found interesting is that PhD student Lauren Bylsma surveyed how we feel after a good cry. She talked to 200 Dutch women: Most of them felt better after sobbing, but ones with higher depression or anxiety levels felt the same, if not worse.

 Stephen Sideroff, PhD is a staff psychologist at Santa Monica--University of California Los Angeles & Orthopaedic Hospital and is the clinical director of the Moonview Treatment Center in Santa Monica, Calif. He says that for various reasons, people suppress their tears. To the rest of the world, the deadness inside caused by suppressing those tears looks like depression. You can be sad without being depressed, and if you're quick to cry, that doesn't make you depressed. And suppressing your tears may cause a threat to your health. In the words of British psychiatrist Henry Maudsley, "The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."

So in conclusion, don't be afraid to let the tears flow! Crying in public may be humiliating, but when you feel tears coming, get them out! As we learned from Lauren Byslma, crying makes those without high depression or anxiety levels feel better, and as from Stephen Sideroff, holding back your tears may pose a threat to your health. I think it would be better to just cry.





General Update

I know I haven't posted in ages...sorry? I have a reason. For the first half of April, I was working on Summer in Spring Heights for Camp NaNoWriMo. It was going really well, well, until my computer went into a 'coma.' Pretty much whenever I started it, the screen would freeze and I'd have to shut it down and try again. It is still in that coma, and the computer that I am on now I can't guarantee use all of the time. I decided that since I am on it to check my email, I might as well try to write as much as I can in the little time.

So, sorry again for not being able to post in ages. I'll try to start again, but no guarantees for being able to post daily.

Thanks,
Pippa

Life in Mill Halley (9)

-----Linnette Birdie-----

The Light Never Stays, Yet Life Moves On

      When Ginger began playing in the band, she told us about how her teacher told them that when you get lost in a piece of music, the rest of the ensemble isn’t going to go back for you. You have to learn to find where your peers are and join them in the music. And my popularity was like that, but I wasn’t able to catch up in fourth grade, when I sort of melted into the background. I was ‘that girl’ who was always reading, who never raised her hand in class even though she knew all of the answers. I was the ‘know it all of third grade,’ and now Skyler was the know it all.

         Life continued. Fourth grade was a good year. In class I would listen to the lectures- the worst lectures that we would get were 10 minutes- do the worksheets, and pull out Lois Lensky’s Strawberry Girl. Skyler sat on the opposite side of the room, and she would try listening to the lectures but often her gaze shifted in my direction. It wasn’t because she was trying to look at me- She was looking at Lusis Karmackle.

         Though Skyler would never admit it, we all knew that she loved Lusis and was awful at hiding it. She would bring him up in the weirdest ways possible- when someone said their favorite color was green, she would smile and say, ‘Lusis’ favorite color is green.’ I would look at Roslyn, who would turn to Ginger, who would turn to me, and then we would all look Skyler dead in the eye just in time for Roslyn to say, “You’re in love, Skyler.”

         Skyler would suddenly begin to whistle, and we’d all roll our eyes, and drop the conversation for another time.

         I hated the conversation. We were in fourth grade! It didn’t seem right for Skyler to be in love, yet she was. She just didn’t want to say so. Maybe her thoughts were the same as mine, maybe she was just embarrassed to like someone who hardly knew her. And at the same time, I felt bad for her. Lusis hardly recognized her existence, Roslyn, Ginger, and I got all over her for it, and her parents had no idea about anything that was going on.  But Skyler was still Skyler, and she had poetry now.

         Though Ginger wasn’t in our class, at recess, she would be the Ginger she’d always been- swinging upside down on the monkey bars, swinging on her front side, going down the slide head first- until the recess monitors would catch her. Then, Roslyn, Skyler, and I would wander away so we wouldn’t get in trouble, too. After being released from the wall, Ginger  would run to play soccer with the boys.

         Roslyn was just Roslyn. She drew all of the time- during class, too, I think- and didn’t care what anyone thought. She dared to be different. It didn’t matter. I was pretty sure she didn’t take up Skyler and my request to for a crime trio and break into those pastels, but she still made artwork beautiful with the pencils, watercolors, and crayons. It was crazy how a fourth grader could have so much talent.

         On our birthdays that  year, we really could all expect what type of card we would get- From Skyler, a poem, from Roslyn, a painting, from Ginger, a gift card, and from me,  a Hallmark or Dayspring. It was the peak of our friendship, if you graphed grades 1-12. Not a care in the world, except for the Skyler Situation (we called it the SS), and what was that but foolishness?

         We had yet to discover.

We Used To...

I remember days
When we'd read books
Off of paper
We'd Write papers
with number two pencils
and today
We write papers
With a Keyboard and screen.
We read books
with a tablet
and the swipe of a thumb

I remember days
When we'd run outside
We'd swing
Up and down, back and forth
Play catch
With dad's baseball gloves
and today
We play inside
On Video Game consuls
And sit
watching figures move
across a television screen.

I remember days,
But today is different.